Quotes from The Grief Recovery Handboook

John W. James and Russel Friedman’s The Grief Recovery Handbook came into my reading life via some conspicuous means a few years ago. There’s a story behind all that–as you’ve probably picked up. However, I hardly care to revisit that time and how this book came into my sphere of thought. Though I am grateful that it has. Even so, I’ve held on to this practical book for the past three years as a precaution; a “just in case” prep tool.

Sadly, that day has arrived and I found myself pulling this off my shelf to finally (and timely) seek answers through it to find some relief from some of the grief I have been going through. Now we all know grief works, progresses and operates on its own time and differently within each individual. But all the same, with that in mind, I wanted to share some of the quotes that really resonated with me in this book that helped me make sense of my own grief these past two months.

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The first one is simply how the authors defined grief as “the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” Of course, your and everyone else’s definitions may vary. However, I appreciate simply seeing theirs in plain, practical terms. As this is exactly what I’ve felt personally. And this “conflicting feelings” brews one of the most bizarre, out-of-body experiences I’ve ever felt. Empty and confused.

“Since most of us have been socialized to attempt to resolve all issues with our intellect, grief remains a huge problem.” This, to me, is where you find yourself in a space where you know you can only go through grief and its internal/external manifestations. It’s not something you can get around or under. You can only go through it. There is no definitive resolve to it.

However, “recovery means feeling better. Recovery means claiming your circumstances instead of your circumstances claiming you and your happiness. Recovery is finding new meaning for living, without the fear of being hurt again.” This is where the battle takes place day after day. I’ve spent the last month reasoning with myself during the grieving process. Intentionally making thought points that are healthy and progressive about my loss, instead of speaking too deeply into the bleakness grief harbors within oneself. Some days you can become aware of how susceptible you’ve fallen or bound to fall into the bleakness of your grief. As well as how capable you are at managing your grief while keeping yourself connected to life. Some days are good. Some bad. Some hours are decent. Some not so much. But the goal is to feel what you feel and claim it. Then invite yourself to see sunlight at the end of moments of sadness.

Most importantly, you have to give yourself the time and space to feel, think, and move between and beyond grief. It’s not something you can simply cut out of you, though it feels as if you can. I remember expressing to someone how grief goes beyond just emotional. It hits you spiritually. Mentally. And even physically. It’ll always be there in some way, we just have to go through and manage it one step at a time. (Side note: Lately, I’ve given myself permission to eat out and buy donuts a lot more. I’ll chill out on that soon, though.)

“The death of a loved one produces emotions that can be described as the feeling of reaching out for someone who has always been there, only to find that when we need them one more time, they are no longer there.” What I’ve learned about this quote and grief is that if you lose someone a year or two years ago/later, you can never be prepared for the loss regardless of time. Time is almost irrelevant when not factored with the living in mind. So even if you need someone you loss one more second, minute, or year time only matters when he/she was living.

“Grieving people want and need to be heard, not fixed.” Many times society teaches us to stuff our grief away from others. To isolate ourselves. Therefore, often when we share our grief with others, we are met with responses akin to someone attempting to “fix” or “remove” our grief. In such circumstances, we don’t feel heard when all one needs to do is listen.

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While there are more valuable quotes in this book, I’ll leave off here. So glad I held on to this book. I welcome any further thoughts on grief and grieving in the comments section below.

Origins of The Wheel of Time Book Chat

November 15th (which was this past Tuesday) marks a full year since I finished and closed my reading of the final book in The Wheel of Times series, A Memory of Light. Still remember that day. Still remember when I began reading the series in 2019. Still remember many of my high points and low points. And frankly I still miss reading the books, however exhausting the journey had been. So, naturally, seeing a WOT-ish book coming out earlier this month, there was no question I was going to grab it. To my bookstore I went to grab a copy of Origins of The Wheel of Time by Michael Livingston. 

Now the thing is that I don’t have a “galaxy brain” when it comes to all the ins and outs and machinations of The Wheel of Time, in both the intricacy of the overall story as well as the fandom. So, no, I’m not gripping the deeper threads of details. I’m not chewing on theories and conspiracies related to WOT’s all encompassing being. Heck, I don’t even have a connoisseurship when it comes to reading and critiquing fantasy novels in general. But this book was great for me as well, because of my casual interest. I mainly had an interest in Jordan’s writing style, choices, and the string of ideas implemented in The Wheel of Time books themselves. I do love taking the opportunity to learn something from an author as is.

Nonetheless, I wanted to share a few of my takeaways from indulging in this book. First, my interest lay primarily in the first half of the book where the author focused on relaying Robert Jordan’s (or his actual name James Oliver Rigney, Jr.) beginnings as a child up until adulthood and his ultimate passing before the series was completed. It’s always cool to relate how an author’s life experiences translates into their fictional world; here, Jordan had a plethora of life experiences he could somehow fashion and relay into The Wheel of Time. Nevertheless, though I’ve heard the story, I was particularly interested in how The Wheel of Time came about from its original conception, the timeframe in which Jordan mulled over it before writing, the subsequent publications of the books, and his final days in maintaining his work for afterwards. All of these are shared within this book. Shoot, for a moment I felt as if I were reading a memoir. Nevertheless, I appreciated this portion of the book because it made me feel closer to Jordan and The Wheel of Time.

(Side story here. The Wheel of Time was actually introduced to my reading life after Jordan’s death in 2007, despite my having started reading the books twelve years later. At the time, I was working at a Borders in Atlanta. After the news of his death, several of the staff members were broken. I specifically remember one assistant manager at her desk bawling her eyes out. I was bemused, but aware at how the expressed gravity of the situation was how The Wheel of Time would never be finished now. Anyway, of course the books were suddenly flying off the shelves, so I grew increasingly curious.

However, at the time, I had just discovered the urban fantasy genre and was reading Kim Harrison and Laurell K. Hamilton books. So I was completely unsure about if I wanted to engage with The Wheel of Time after witnessing all the depression surrounding me at work. But it was that same tearful assistant manger who walked me to the shelves and handed me The Eye of the World. I was utterly intimidated by it and instead grabbed Zombie Lover by Piers Anthony (which was awful) to sort of situate my seed of interest. Then I clocked out and went to Six Flags never to have given The Eye of the World a try until over a decade later.)

Another glowing piece of insight in the book is how Jordan borrowed/sampled and constructed many of the names of his characters as well as the various cities and landscapes seen within The Wheel of Time from real and fictional materials. I think it’s kind of pretty much obvious and expected for fantasy authors to borrow heavily from various cultures, mythologies, and classic text as is. However, specifically locating how Jordan framed characters (such as my favorites Rand, Moiraine and Nynaeve) and settings was great. Unveiling the original conventional fantasy classics sources, plans and plots for his characters was eye-opening. Yet, if you’re familiar with the classics he sampled from (such as Beowulf) the connection can be apparent if you happen to spot them during the reading of the series.

I wasn’t that great at this during my reading of the series, at least any further than surface recognitions.

Nonetheless, one trail of Moiraine and Nynaeve’s original conceptualized animus did kind of surfaced in the first book in the series (at least for Nynaeve) per the origin material that crafted the two to begin with. Even some plot threads featured in Moiraine’s story did arrive in the series, except underneath different circumstances however it was drawn from origin source sampling. So much of the characters’ origins and original narratives being unveiled then matched with their eventual designs within the books was fascinating to me. I was impressed by the well of dedication Jordan put into his work. And I mean layers upon layers of context driven into each individual aspect of The Wheel of Time. To me, it’s comparable to the deep dive stuff I’ve gotten out of Naoko Takeuchi’s work where even the simplest of a character’s outfit color or attitude is linked to something much more grander and intentional.

Though I couldn’t get too much into the “crafting a language” parts of the book, I did enjoy the split and correlation drawn from Tolkien’s work to Jordan’s. I remember when I first started reading WOT when a lot of long-time fans of the work would tell me the first three books were Tolkien-ish. It was at book four, The Shadow Rising, where Jordan really bloomed the series into his own. This notion was reciprocated in Origins of The Wheel of Time, and now it’s up to me to read Tolkien’s work beyond The Hobbit to sort of fill in the gaps. So I have some work to do on this part. However, even reading about the comparisons and striking differences and impacts both authors made within literature alone begged for a book within itself.

Anyway, there are numerous other nuggets and insights in this book that I also enjoyed. There’s even a glossary that provides brief but in-depth snapshots of information from characters, places, and artifacts seen in The Wheel of Time. And not by a simple definition of what they are, but by where these things came from in the overall conceptualization of the series. Heck, some unique words and such within the series even have a blemish of anagram properties to them.

So, as I’ve stated, I don’t have a galaxy brain when it comes to The Wheel of Time. However, for the areas I am curious about knowing and understanding, I appreciate finding some of those answers in this book. While learning a host of other things that I would have never seen underneath the final work provided by The Wheel of Time series.

Patricia Cornwell LIVID Hype

 

NEW RELEASE TIME: Anywhere You Run by Wanda M. Morris

“It’s the summer of 1964 and three innocent men are brutally murdered for trying to help Black Mississippians secure the right to vote. Against this backdrop, twenty-one year old Violet Richards finds herself in more trouble than she’s ever been in her life. Suffering a brutal attack of her own, she kills the man responsible. But with the color of Violet’s skin, there is no way she can escape Jim Crow justice in Jackson, Mississippi. Before anyone can find the body or finger her as the killer, she decides to run. With the help of her white beau, Violet escapes. But desperation and fear leads her to hide out in the small rural town of Chillicothe, Georgia, unaware that danger may be closer than she thinks.

Back in Jackson, Marigold, Violet’s older sister, has dreams of attending law school. Working for the Mississippi Summer Project, she has been trying to use her smarts to further the cause of the Black vote. But Marigold is in a different kind of trouble: she’s pregnant and unmarried. After news of the murder brings the police to her door, Marigold sees no choice but to flee Jackson too. She heads North seeking the promise of a better life and no more segregation. But has she made a terrible choice that threatens her life and that of her unborn child? 

Two sisters on the run—one from the law, the other from social shame. What they don’t realize is that there’s a man hot on their trail. This man has his own brand of dark secrets and a disturbing motive for finding the sisters that is unknown to everyone but him . . .”

Well, it’s finally time/here. Wanda M. Morris is back with her second book, Anywhere You Run. I know I can’t be the only one waiting impatiently for this release, AFTER reading the incredibleness that came from her first book, All Her Little Secrets. Anyway, I’m going through a difficult life experience right now, so my reading has been rather slow. But for sure I’ll be getting to this book before the end of the year. Wanda M. Morris can tell a story!

Two Weeks' Worth of Booktail Therapy Equals…

 

LIVID for Patricia Cornwell's 26th Kay Scarpetta Book

“Chief medical examiner Kay Scarpetta is the reluctant star witness in a sensational murder trial when she receives shocking news. The judge’s sister has been found dead. At first glance, it appears to be a home invasion, but then why was nothing stolen, and why is the garden strewn with dead plants and insects?

Although there is no apparent cause of death, Scarpetta recognizes telltale signs of the unthinkable, and she knows the worst is yet to come. The forensic pathologist finds herself pitted against a powerful force that returns her to the past, and her time to catch the killer is running out . . .”

Y’all. I am so glad Patricia Cornwell is back with Kay Scarpetta. To think how 2016’s Chaos was potentially the last book in the series. Until we got Autopsy last Fall as a series revive. NOW we immediately get ANOTHER new one in Livid. Which is due later this month. I don’t want to wait until the freakin’ 25th!

Brandon Sanderson's The Way of Kings – October Reading Jumpstart

“Roshar is a world of stone and storms. Uncanny tempests of incredible power sweep across the rocky terrain so frequently that they have shaped ecology and civilization alike. Animals hide in shells, trees pull in branches, and grass retracts into the soilless ground. Cities are built only where the topography offers shelter.

It has been centuries since the fall of the ten consecrated orders known as the Knights Radiant, but their Shardblades and Shardplate remain: mystical swords and suits of armor that transform ordinary men into near-invincible warriors. Men trade kingdoms for Shardblades. Wars were fought for them, and won by them.

One such war rages on a ruined landscape called the Shattered Plains. There, Kaladin, who traded his medical apprenticeship for a spear to protect his little brother, has been reduced to slavery. In a war that makes no sense, where ten armies fight separately against a single foe, he struggles to save his men and to fathom the leaders who consider them expendable.

Brightlord Dalinar Kholin commands one of those other armies. Like his brother, the late king, he is fascinated by an ancient text called The Way of Kings. Troubled by over-powering visions of ancient times and the Knights Radiant, he has begun to doubt his own sanity.

Across the ocean, an untried young woman named Shallan seeks to train under an eminent scholar and notorious heretic, Dalinar’s niece, Jasnah. Though she genuinely loves learning, Shallan’s motives are less than pure. As she plans a daring theft, her research for Jasnah hints at secrets of the Knights Radiant and the true cause of the war.”

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I decided to pull this 1000-something-page epic fantasy book off my shelf. To do what? I guess actually–finally–attempt to read it. All intimidation of its length aside, Brandon Sanderson’s first The Stormlight Archive book, The Way of Kings, was a planted consideration for epic fantasy goodness post my reading of Robert Jordan’s The Wheel of Time series. And, as of late, I could use a fantasy distraction more than ever.

Nonetheless, I’m about 150 pages into the book; while not wholly absorbed in the narratives of the characters Kaladin and Shallan, I can say the book is fairly easy to glide through. Though it is complex built on complex in terms of narratives, world-building, magic systems, and all other fantasy components, I’m not discouraged. Instead, as Jordan trained me, I keep reading patiently knowing I’ll “get” whatever I “understand” at some point. I think the biggest issue I’m having is that I keep looking for Nynaeve in this book. Which, clearly, is my favorite Wheel of Time character. Or maybe a semblance of her–I suppose.

Either way, I’m taking my time with The Way of Kings. Wish me luck, I suppose. At only 150 pages, I have a longggggggg way to go. But so far, I’m with it. Still waiting for that one character I gravitate towards, but I’m still engaged.

~.~

Completed Part One and now at my first Interlude. Part of me wants to read something else to give myself space with this large book. Another wants to keep reading. I’m starting to really enjoy reading Kaladin’s story (what really helped was the flashback featuring his dad who was a surgeon). You can really see how Sanderson is rounding Kaladin’s character about from the dark space he has crawled from underneath as a slave who was once an army hero. He’s reclaiming himself, as at one point he was close to committing suicide. That, to me, is exciting as a reader. It’s going to be incredibly interesting seeing where he goes in the following parts. 

As for the character of Shallan, I love how she is an artist filled to the brim with the tenacity to rescue her family. She has set upon a very heavy mission to steal a magical artifact that will keep her family from ruin. Anyway, it will be interesting to see what Shallan’s final judgement/move will be amidst being around characters who she will surely betray.

Abandoning Bewitching Mystery Series by Madyln Alt

I’m officially calling it. After attempting to read the second-to-the-final book in Madelyn Alt’s bewitching cozy mystery series, I’ve decided I can not take on the penultimate entry nor the final book. It’s sad because I really enjoyed this series after reading the first book in 2008. It was around the time when urban fantasy was still in my reading “system”. Though categorically Madelyn Alt’s series isn’t urban fantasy, it still maintains a witch-of-sorts as the main protagonist as a small-town woman named Maggie O’Neill. Regardless, I distinctly remember loving the first two books, taking years off, revisiting the series, and loving the third book most of all. Then the fourth book made for a decent read a few years ago. Then I revisited the series again back in 2020 with the fifth book. This is when I realized I’d just about changed as a reader, and that the series just wasn’t interesting anymore.

Still, I had two books left to go. And I decided maybe now was the time to clear the series off my lifelong reading TBR. 

Well, A With in Time made for a 60-page BORE. The deal is that our resident witch, Maggie, is supposed to overhear a conversation involving a teenager who was found dead of an apparent drug. Concerns about a possible perpetrator of this action are swirling about the local school and community. Nevertheless, somewhere in all this Maggie is supposed to overhear a conversation on the subject and subsequently get the mystery started. However, instead, for 60 pages we’ve got nothing but Maggie all nervous about her “hot date” (I freakin’ HATE this term) with the handsome Marcus character. She finally got to his house and a red flag threw me when he pulled her onto his lap. You know, grown women sitting on men’s laps just do something to me.

Anyway, Maggie gets a call about her sister, who is at the hospital preparing to have twins. For whatever reason, this call was urgent. Anyway (again), we get to see Maggie’s mother act a fool. Her grandfather in a wheelchair acts like a fool (another pet peeve of mine is the grandmother/father character who is desperately drawn as amusing with his or her obnoxious antics). Maggie’s father is blah. Meanwhile, Marcus is circulating around her family as their new favorite bit of interest.

So what’s happened with the allegedly murdered teen within these 60 pages? Not a damned thing of interest. It was just… BORING! The sad part is that I actually like Maggie’s voice. But, man is she underused as a character stuck in a hospital waiting on her sister to give birth or some mess. Give me the darn mysteryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Anyway, I’m abandoning the series. I won’t get rid of the books. But they are certainly being pushed to the back of the shelf to make room for more books. Which was my intention upon finishing the series anyway.

I just wanted to see if I could actually complete the last two books. Unfortunately, it’s a NO. And I’m cool with that. I have to keep it moving. Plus, I’m really enjoying the book I’m reading in its place.

Guest Post: 3 Tips for Increasing Your Exposure as an Artist by Ian Garza

3 Tips for Increasing Your Exposure as an Artist

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Guest Post by Ian Garza of Big On Balance

Getting your work discovered is a life-changing experience, but boosting the visibility of your art can often feel like an uphill battle. Exposure is vital to your future success, whether you’re a painter, fashion designer, or crafter. Being proactive, investing in marketing, and expanding your network lets you show more people what you can offer. Follow these tips to boost your profile and attract more clients to your work.

1. Develop a Plan

According to experts, having a clear business plan contributes to your brand’s future growth and success. When developing your business plan, it’s a good idea to include information about your products or services, target market demographics, and financial needs.

If you are a fashion designer or craft maker, determining how to source materials and whether to sell your work on an e-commerce platform or in a brick-and-mortar store can help you anticipate initial costs. In addition to details regarding your business’s finances, your plan should include its operational structure.

There are several options when selecting a business entity, but most artists form either sole proprietorships or LLCs. Each of these offers unique benefits, but the rules and regulations governing them can vary depending on your state, so you should do your research before making a decision. Find out how to start a business with ZenBusiness for the ease they offer.

2. Invest in Marketing

As an artist, marketing your brand should be a top priority. A unique and recognizable logo allows customers and potential clients to distinguish your products from others on the market. Consider utilizing some of these marketing channels to boost your visibility effectively:

• Social media

• Email marketing

• Paid advertisements

• Content marketing

• Posters

Market yourself by engaging with your followers on social media or creating online content that expresses your style and personality.

One way to leverage your artistic skills is to design a banner ad using an online banner maker. When customizing your ad with fonts, colors, and animations, personalize it to represent your brand. You can then display it on Facebook, YouTube, or other popular platforms.

Ensure your advertising message reflects your personal and artistic style. You can include examples of your work on your business cards or write a blog to discuss your process and the inspiration behind your work.

3. Participate in Your Community

Networking is a powerful tool for an artist, regardless of the type of art you create. Expand your network by participating in public events, such as art or fashion shows, craft fairs, and other community gatherings, which can provide a platform to showcase your work. Mingling in the crowd at events like these can help you meet new people who might be interested in what you have to offer.

Another way to engage with your local community is to sign up for local art or maker competitions. These events benefit you by putting your work in front of a large audience while providing an opportunity to build your professional reputation. You can also leverage your existing social network by collaborating with other artists to shoot videos or create content.

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Pursuing a career as an artist is rewarding, but it comes with some unique challenges. One of the major obstacles you will likely face is getting your work seen. Fortunately, there are many ways to attract people to your work. Have a plan for success and be assertive. The more people you engage with, the larger the audience for your work.

Image via Pexels

For more, visit the website Big on Balance

Friday Friends of the Library Shopping

SOMEBODY COME OVER HERE AND STOP ME! Dude, listen. I am STILL on this “reaching to reclaim urban fantasy” nostalgic reading kick.

Even though half the books I have attempted to read and/or revisit have not worked out. Yet, here I am with this again. Though, truthfully, it happens; one week you’re into this, another week you’re into that. With that said, I went to the library early in the afternoon and just HAD to stop by the Friends of the Library Bookstore. What else would one do with $5 in his pocket, right? Well, yeah. Subsequently, this is the urban fantasy madness that followed…

Urban Shaman by C. E. Murphy has been on my reading wish list since 2007 (which I think admitting is part of my problem). Anyway, the story features a woman ex-cop named Joanne Walker who is part Native American and I believe Irish. The dilemma consists of Joanne attempting to save a woman fleeing a Celtic god who is running what we all understand as the folkloric Wild Hunt. Either way, I crave the adventure of it all. Don’t know why. But I do.

Red-Headed Stepchild by Jaye Wells is another long standing familiar cover/book/possible face. Or, to put it simply, a “want to read ” from back in the day. It’s the first book in Wells’ Sabina Kane urban fantasy series. Ms. Kane is half-vampire and half-mage. Occupationally: assassin. When a friend of hers is killed, Ms. Kane must get to the bottom of the business as a spy dipped in vampire intrigue. That sort of thing.

Lord, where am I going with all this.

Lastly, I found this really good copy of Wizard’s First Rule by Terry Goodkind. Now God rest the man’s soul, but I have heard a few not-so-pleasant things about this author. However, having read The Wheel of Time, Goodkind’s work is often featured in my recommended reading algorithm per having read Robert Jordan’s work. And though I am hesitant, what captured my attention came in a suggestion. A few weeks ago some guy at Barnes & Noble asked if he could suggest a book as I browsed the fantasy section. Needless to say, Wizard’s First Rule was it. He appeared extra enthusiastic about it, while I listened and considered. Though at the time I was still in my current urban fantasy phase, I kept the book in mind when I wanted a chunker to get into. And, well, weeks later I found a copy for $1.50. Anyway, the dude said something about people being punched in the face as a means of greeting one another.

Lowkey: I hope the book punches me with a gripping, entertaining high fantasy adventure tale.

So that’s it for today. I haven’t read much else this week. Work and all that jazz. But I’m due for a reading reset.